The Broke Yolk

Hi!!!!!!

I love starting every single blog post with “hey sry I’m back 🙂 🙂 :)” but that’s just what the job calls for, honey.

I’ve been away, hangin’, chillin’, trillin’, grillin’ (not really grillin’ bc I don’t have a grill but I would like to be grillin’, should I buy a grill pan?) and have ignored my sweet lil yolk-ettes. I do apologize – but again, I must stress, it is nearly impossible to get anything done outside of the Bare Min when you are Broken Brained.

But there’s a million hours of sunlight these days and I’ve been somehow not tired at my usual bedtime of 9:34 p.m., so there’s really no excuse. Also Co–Star told me to be creative or something and to say a dead relative’s name out loud. HELEN!

sO WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN…DOING?

Honestly I haven’t been cooking too much lately, more just buying take-n-bake ciabatta rolls from TJs and eating them with Sam’s Club e.v.o.o. sprinkled with some SPOG and italian seasoning on top. There’s your recipe, haters. The rolls are pretty much a dupe for those Bertucci’s bad bois.

aM I LOST? 

No!!! You came here for a reason so I guess I gotta give you some #content worth your time. It’s summer and like I said, we’re trillin’ n grillin’ so I’m just going to just list off my favorite vacation-style food & drink and call it a day. That counts for a blog post right?

Disclaimer: I never go on vacation because (#broke) but I aspire to be someone who travels (#sagittarius) and takes vacations (not just PTO days where you wash your duvet cover).

In the meantime, a yolk can dream.

tORI’s FAVE VACATION-APPROPRIATE FOODS:

Fresh seafood – Dream vacation me is eating oysters by the dozen, doing whatever you do to a lobster (never had lobster that wasn’t like in bisque-form), hammering away at some crabs while I’m up to my elbows in butter and old bay, or sharing a whole roasted snapper with a handsome hottie. We’re enjoying a crisp white and there’s a breeze. I look stunning.

Something you can drink out of a pineapple or coconut – It could be Campbell’s Chicken Noodle inside for all I care (though I would prefer a piña colada or some coconut water) and I would be happily sipping my way to ~paradise~.

Soft-serve ice cream – My flavor preference and twist-or-no-twist depends on my mood and the selection, but always rainbow sprinkles vacation or not. I will have a Bad Poop later but I will persevere.

Shitty snack bar food – Nothing relaxes me more than asking an adult for cash to buy some fried mozzarella sticks from the pool/resort snack bar. I’m dripping wet and my fingertips are pruny and the chicken fingers won’t be ready for another 7-8 minutes.

Snacks you brought on the plane or bought at the Walgreens across from the hotel – I always get the good stuff like Chex Mix or Boom Chicka Pop Kettle Corn when I “vacation” aka travel for work. Skip the $4 airport Clif bar and treat yourself to a Fiji or Evian.

What the locals are having – Jenna went to Puerto Rico recently and ate a local dish called mofongo. She described is as, “plantains with garlic and butter,” and as a fan of all three of those ingredients, I would also like to eat this while helping bolster PR’s economy.

What Maya is having – My friend Maya once said that she knows the best place to get pasta in every city. I know better than to question her noodle authority so wherever Maya is eat-pray-loving, I will follow.

Frozen drink at the swim-up pool bar – When I was a wee holder of (my first) learner’s permit I went to Mexico and I really enjoyed getting drinks from the swim-up pool bar. I would sheepishly ask for a strawberry daiquiri and if they put rum in it, that wasn’t my problem!

But forreal, last summer I had sort of a spiritual awakening when I realized that I’m a pool person instead of a beach person (justice for pool people!!). I love the pool life. I am a pool party in human form. In the spirit of pool-ing I will 100% haul myself out of the water to buy a $20 frozen margarita in a collectors cup, but I’d much prefer to just wade my way to the bar.

Mango with cayenne on a stick – I feel like I’ve seen people vacationing and eating this, or maybe they just got it from a truck in NYC? I think it would be tasty but very sticky and I don’t love being sticky AND hot, but I could prob get a good Insta out of it, which basically is all vacations are good for?

aRE YOU JUST NAMING THINGS YOU WANT TO EAT/DRINK AND THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH VACATION? 

I Think So 😦

wHAT ELSE IS NEW WITH YOU?

I found a strawberry top in a public restroom toilet 2 weekends ago.

I’m done now bye!!!!!!!!

XOXO

-Tori