The Broke Yolk

Hello egglings,

I know it’s been a while. If you’re just now tuning in, well fuck u. Just kidding I love each and every one of my readers. Unless you’re racist. No love there.

Anyway, the reason I went MIA for so long is because I was solicited via Instagram DM to become an #eggfluencer and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity. Talk about once in a lifetime!

So, I packed my whisk and moved my body to an undisclosed location (farm?) where I’ve been collecting(?) eggs from chickens(?) and have been cracking those bad boys on the hot sidewalk for a #quickbreakfast. Then the burly men came to repave so I started eating them raw (for convenience but also trying to condition away my gag reflex) but then I came down with this horrible bird flu that made me unable to type or think or laugh (still could cry though).

SO DRAMATIC I know. The good news is that I am back! I’m still broken and still yolkin’ and I hope you’ve been able to broke/yolk even in my absence. I trust that you did, dear reader.

What else is there to say?

sOME GENERAL LIFE UPDATES

• Pants been feelin’ tight
• My dead grandmother popped up in my dream, sup grandmom!
• Had a very obvious and visible run-in-tights situation and did not go to Nordstrom Rack before the work event like I said I would
• Currently have 3 bouquets of flowers in our apartment so life smells nice (none purchased by or for me)
• Still alone (see above)
• Might watch my coworkers dogs soon
• Been into BLTs even though the tomatoes are still a little grainy(?) what’s the word for when tomatoes are gross? Cuz it’s kinda like that but I’ve been into it whatever
• Also I maybe like mayo now? Don’t tell anyone
• Tried a sample of the Orange Vanilla Coke and it’s nasty
• Bought a pair of cool shoes at forever 21 for $4 that will make my feet bleed/sever a toe
• Read A Man Called Ove which I did not like!
• Reading Pachinko which I do like and isn’t as “boring” as I thought!
• Decided I’m going to “get into cheese” less a quote though and more a thought I had on the toilet today

Ok I’m done this has been hard but also good.

Until next time, you little egglets!

-Tori