The Broke Yolk

Hello friend! You’re back! Not sure why but please don’t leave! It’s lonely and drafty here and I think there’s a ghost!

nOW FOR THE FOOD!

Basically this bowl can be a hodgepodge of whatever is happenin’ in your fridge at the mome. I used a bag of TJ’s broccoli florets on its last legs but you can use any type of roastable vegetable that is on its last legs!

That’s the beauty of this #blog, VERSATILITY BABAY.

So let’s get down to it – you’re gonna throw the broc in the ov (ove? I want it to sound like “of” – plz advise) with some olive oil and the Fantastic 4: salt, pep, garlic powder, onion powder (SPOG from here on out) and let it wilt and shrivel down so it resembles how you look on a Thursday night when you get home from work and it was raining and literally HOW IS IT NOT FRIDAY YET. I know it’s actually Tuesday so I hope you’re not feeling this way YET. The Thursday Shrivels will come in due time, my loves.

aM I A CHEF?

Roast that bad broc for like 20?ish mins at 400?ish degrees while you’re watching Jeopardy Teen Tournament. Once it’s wilty and a little charred take it out and prepare your bowl base of Sad Girl Lettuce Blend: a hefty handful of both arugula and spinach (if you ask for this at Sweetgreen they will know exactly what you mean AND will tell you to give up on your dreams). Throw the broccoli in the bowl along with whatever grain you’ve got chillin in your fridge from last night (usually quinoa for me – but if you don’t have a grain left over, just do couscous because it takes 5 min and is basically pasta) some Fridge Cheese, a fried egg (I do over-easy but YOU do YOU!) and a drizzle of whatever you have that most closely resembles a balsamic salad dressing.

It gets the god damn job done and makes you feel almost(?) proud to have cooked yourself a meal even when deep down you know that you maybe ate some worst-case moldy, best-case sell-by-date vegetables. Yum yum.

Good A$$ Tips to Make your Bad Broc Bowl Not as Bad: 

• I sautéed a shallot in some olive oil and tossed it with the roasted broc. Shallots are for sure the richest and fanciest onion variety and are subtly beautiful and dainty much like myself. It took 5 mins and took bad broc from wah to ah!
• If my thorough instructions weren’t good enough use this good NYT veg roasting guide that my friend Chelb (@Chelbb) shared with the world on Insta:
• Make your own dressing? Idk I keep forgetting to buy vinegar to try this but I’m sure this makes it better.
• Never settle for a Bad Broc Plate – bowls are lit as hell and feel cozier.

Ok I’m done now – thanks for reading! And thanks for all of the initial love! Hope you all still love me when I give this up in a week hehe.

-Tori