The Broke Yolk

On more than one occasion my mom has purchased a birthday cake when there was no birthday. A crazy concept maybe, to browse the grocery story bakery display for no other reason but a desire to enjoy some buttercream and sponge that evening. There’s no panic to buy candles because you’re sure you don’t have… Continue reading The Funfetti We Had

“It’s cool to get food thrown at you.” Hello old friends! It is I: Tori, beautiful angel, person whose breath always smells good, owner of a phat ass & uneven eyebrows, your friend who owes you $50, etc. Not much has changed since we’ve last spoken. Things are still bad and I am still sad!… Continue reading The 25 Days of Hibachi

Author’s note: This is the last time I’m going to acknowledge starting up the ol blog again after a million months of nothing. Going forward I’m gonna jump right in and pretend I’m someone who’s good at committing to projects! REAL BLOG STARTS NOW! Tis the season to stick your face in a big bowl… Continue reading Musings on Soup

Hello friends! I’m sorry I’ve kept you salivating for another post for what appears to be….11 months. You know what they say: well-behaved women rarely keep up with their depression-food blogs! What have I missed! Everyone healthy, happy, thriving? Hahahaa a a a. Nope, things have been shitty and it sorta extremely feels like the… Continue reading Call it a Comeback

Happy Halloween haters! It’s Thursday and rainy and I’m hungover from being a #sportsgirl and watching the Nationals take game 7 and All The Marbles so just bear with me if there are typos in this. We bought 18 $1 bud lights last night! Anyway, here’s a list of foods I’m scared of: *Warning* there… Continue reading Spooky Scary Foods that are Not Actually That Spooky Just Sorta Gross

I’ve never been a big sweet tooth gal. I’ve been a big tooth gal (hello to my elementary school classmates who called me Buck Toothed Beaver!), and I’ve been a big sweet gal (I helped an old lady with her groceries once*), but I’ve never been diagnosed with the Sweet Teeth. I want french fries… Continue reading Donuts: A Dissertation

The Devil Wears Burrata is a great pub trivia name that comes to you (my friend Jenna) in a stream of consciousness/word association/word vomit exercise two hours before the cursed current events round. It’s also a nice lil title for this nice lil post to round out the remaining days of summer. Labor Day was… Continue reading The Devil Wears Burrata

Hi!!!!!! I love starting every single blog post with “hey sry I’m back 🙂 🙂 :)” but that’s just what the job calls for, honey. I’ve been away, hangin’, chillin’, trillin’, grillin’ (not really grillin’ bc I don’t have a grill but I would like to be grillin’, should I buy a grill pan?) and… Continue reading The Broke Yolk is Back from Vacation

Hello chickadees, how’s Wednesday treatin’ ya? Today has been one of those days where it’s been 2:17 for 4 hours. Wild! Anyway, today I wanted to write about oats because 1) I like them and 2) I apparently like drinking the milk they produce (??? not sure about science on that one). I haven’t yolked… Continue reading Oat is the GOAT

Hello egglings, I know it’s been a while. If you’re just now tuning in, well fuck u. Just kidding I love each and every one of my readers. Unless you’re racist. No love there. Anyway, the reason I went MIA for so long is because I was solicited via Instagram DM to become an #eggfluencer… Continue reading Unfortunately, I am back!